Summer’s here and that means the festival season will soon be kicking off
Every festival is a unique adventure, but there’s no doubt that when you’ve been to a few festivals, you start to recognise certain characters. Here’s a not-entirely-serious guide to the nine kinds of people you are certain to bump into at festivals this summer:
You were a newbie once, and no doubt you looked the part in your new wellies, your matching waterproofs and your inability to pitch your tent. Watch as the newbies run wild on the first night, overdo the partying, and spend the second day groaning in their tent.
The music lovers
Festivals are about more than just music, but not according to these guys. These are the kind of people who spend the whole day in their tents, only emerging to see the first of their scheduled acts. Oh yes, they have a schedule. It may even be laminated.
Every festival has its contingent of oldies. These are veterans of decades’ worth of festival exploits, who will be full of useful advice on what to see and what to avoid. They will also tell you all about what Glastonbury was like in 1978 or that time when they bumped into the drummer from Iron Maiden in the toilets at Donnington; at least they will if you let them.
These are the poor souls who’ve read one too many articles on ‘what to wear at Glastonbury’ and have rushed out to purchase Topshop’s entire range of festival clothing, complete with flowery headpiece, all of which will be drenched or muddy within an hour of arrival.
One of the strangest sights at a festival are the families: two parents trying to control a gaggle of children or carrying around a bewildered infant in a mud-spattered baby harness. Are they mad or are they incredibly cool? The jury is still out.
Festivals are fun, but for some people, pitching your own tent, lying on the ground or sharing a toilet facility with thousands is just a little too much. The toffs will spend their time soaking up the music, food and atmosphere, before retiring to their luxury tented facility and can usually be identified by their un-creased clothes and clean faces.
If you find yourself being approached by shifty looking characters who appear to want to sell you something, you’ve probably wandered into the druggie area of the festival. The druggies are a largely harmless tribe but prone to odd behaviour and likely to still be dancing like maniacs at three in the morning.
Some people go to festivals on their own. They may be alone because they are confident individuals who have no problem going solo, or because they are dangerous weirdos who you definitely shouldn’t invite into your tent.
You can’t have a festival without drinking. On the other hand, if you spend the entire time getting smashed you probably won’t remember anything about the festival. For some festival goers, drinking until they fall over is nine-tenths of their reason for being there, and they can usually be spotted face down in the mud or staggering unsteadily towards the toilets.